"Trust the Message"
I love having my desk sitting in front of a big open window. I love being able to write, stare outside and feel a breeze. It reminds me of when I was 11 years old. I had a type writer that I propped up directly in front of my bedroom window that overlooked a n endless corn field. I wrote a poem on that type writer called "The Field." Shocking, I know. I grew up middle America, farm land, USA. Tornadoes and flash floods, combines and horse trailers. Corn fields in all three directions surrounding my house. I remember writing about a storm rolling in over the field and lightening striking. I was taking a creative writing course that summer through the local 4-H organization (google it) and I entered the poem in a contest at the County Fair. The Judge's only critique was that she didn't understand the end of the poem. The final line read, "I leave for now, my love behind me." I was 11. I didn't understand what I meant. I couldn't give her an answer when she asked. But that line felt right, so I put it down on the page. I remember that feeling. The line being given to me during a light bulb of inspiration. Not understanding what it meant or why is made sense, but knowing that somehow it did. I believe my soul knew then and as an adult I know now. That experience shaped both my interest in communicating with people and my belief in the magical world of divine inspiration.
It's important to trust the message when it comes through. To respect and give thanks for the enlightenment that touches you. Sometimes and often, it's not meant to be understood in the moment, but be relevant at a later date. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
2:13pm, September 7, 2019
"The Work We Do"
This morning I had a thought about how we subconsciously wind up working jobs that relate to an underlying need for something. Like I worked in Law because I wanted justice, unknowingly. Maybe my Father became a mechanic because he wanted to fix things or my Mother worked in Dentistry to make people look better even if they didn't "feel" better.
How do the jobs we choose reflect our needs to control our environments? I would assume you become a songwriter to share, a writer would share information. A Doctor would heal people. A Janitor cleans. A thief would take. So, the question is what job would you want to do to sharpen which skills? Awareness opens up new possibilities and options to look at everything in a new light.
4:46am, August, 14, 2019
Thank you for taking care of me when I couldn't see the danger. Thank you for giving me signals, consistently, throughout and over the years. Steadily, unwavering, even when I wasn't listening. I've never thought of you, I've never said simply "Thank you." You are and have been running things in the background. I didn't realize I could depend on you or that you were depending on me. You've been with me through it all and no matter how many bad or good decisions I've made, you never judged me for it. You survived.
I hear you now. I feel you. I recognize you as my twin, my partner, my confidant, my strength and my cohort. Not just a shell or vehicle to get me through this world, but my guide and protector, gently walking me along an unknown road. I want you to know that I love you. You have kept me safe . You have healed me and talked to me everyday of my life since the very first. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand and get to know you. I'm sorry I didn't realize you've been here doing the work all along. So this is a love letter to you. My body. My angel. My fingers and my toes, my eyes and ears, my brain and heart. Every atom and every part. Aware and awake, I'll listen to when you speak and trust every signal. You've never steered me in the wrong direction, only carried my soul. I'll never give you away again without thought. I will honor and respect the work you do with loving kindness and prioritize those needs that keep us healthy.
7:59am, August 11, 2019
I play because I have a duty to my talent and an awareness of that talent. It is my job to fulfill my vocation. Just as the wind must breeze, I must play. Like the sun must shine, I must be heard. As the tree grows tall, I must learn and honor my craft by allowing myself to be seen, vulnerable, truly, without walls or guards. I must give myself, raw, to those who cannot because I have the courage to do so. I must shine my light so that you can be inspired to shine yours, just as others inspire me. We are one and through courage, duty, and service, we help each other grow and bring forth the best. We activate one another.
I will play fearlessly, calmly, as it is my trade. I will work hard to represent my abilities and skills, sharpening them like the Blacksmith. Forging layer upon layer and letting my journey be witnessed in all it's humanity. I will not play seeking acknowledgement, but rather share myself as only I can, with compassion and loving kindness for everyone I come into contact with. I will play regardless of the outcome. I will write without intent or desired result. I will learn with fierce dedication to my life's purpose. I will sing, no matter who is watching. I will remember in this moment to be who I am, a songwriter.
10:12 PM, August 6, 2019